As it all begun

I begun listening to Queen when I was twelve years old. The voice of Freddie Mercury was not only awe inspiring and enchanting but hugely addictive.  The fate decided that Queen will become my most favourite band ever. And it has been that way ever since. I loved Freddie extremely much, not just as a singer but also as a human being. I admired him for his spirit and courage and free mind. I loved his laughter, his childish  sense of humour and style. He definitely carried his heart on sleeve and to me,he was a very admirable person, whom not many people have come to known. When I was in my teens and times seemed difficult to get through on my own, I realized I can talk to him as one would talk to a friend. He turned into my imaginary mate. To make things more magic, I made a secret wish. I asked Freddie one thing - just one - to make me meet all people he loved the most. Guess what. That wish kept coming through in years to come and I thought I might share this story with you, because it´s as extraordinary as you might think it sounds like....
Me and my best friend Paul shared our love for Queen´s music and everything that was to do with them. We went to welcome Roger Taylor in 1994 in Prague, when he came to collect his EMI awards. Eventhough it was a really short meeting, I´ve seen a glimpse of him. At last! Paul stayed and followed Roger to his hotel and waited all night in the freezing cold just to be able to take a picture with him. He succeeded, needed to say.

In 1998 there was this big European tour of Brian May. He came to perform in Prague and play some well known tunes usually sung by Freddie. It was very extraordinary experience, especially when seeing him face to face after the show where only a group of chosen fans was allowed. He posed for a photo and shook our hands, one by one. Have to say, a very nice gentleman...

At that time I haven´t really considered these experiences to be anyhow unusual, not more than any other ones. I´ve simply seen Roger Taylor and Brian May. Anyone could be that lucky. 
The turn in events came the following year. I started to work for FC Queen and as my nature dictated, I wanted to write about Freddie - not anyone else - so I was assigned the role. I also started to work on my book that I called "Little Mercurologist", which was clumsy collection of facts and analyses of his character done through various methods (astrology, numerelogy etc.) Therefore, when I run out of inspiration, I decided to make a small journey to Munich, where Freddie was said to lead quite wild and joyfull life. I have read in some biographies, that Freddie´s good friend and past lover Barbara Valentin, has lived in Munich. I wasn´t hoping to see her, as there were no directions to her whereabouts, however, I intended to stroll around the city and visit all those "dangerous" gay clubs he used to frequent. I wasn´t alone, to say this much. My best friend Paul was there too. 

We´ve been to many places and many clubs, but in New York night club, this young German fellow danced his way through to us. His name was David, and he seemed to be really keen on striking the conversation. After what he learnt the purpose of our journey, he wrote me the address of a night club, in which I could meet Barbara herself. To cut the story short, we´ve met her, seen her, and talked to her and the experience of that night went far beyond my wildest imagination. I seem to have lost the photo of the three of us taken by her friend, however, I still have the post card that she took out from her car and signed. Barbara has died on 22nd February, 2002, only 3 years after this encounter. She is said to have died of a stroke. Barbara was a wonderful, funny and beautiful woman.                      

So that was the story so far. Meeting Barbara was a nice, pleasurable experience, but somehow even that didn´t make me think more of it.
I took it only as a game of a coincidence. Wouldn´t most of us? 

The year 2000 brought along big changes in my life. I´ve moved to Ireland, where I´ve worked and met my now ex-boyfriend. It was one day that I mentioned my love for Queen to my co-worker, Alison. Just for the craic, as Irish would say. After what I mentioned Freddie´s name, it seemed as if the whole avalanche of events started off by itself. First Alison. She told me that she knows Eddie, Jim Hutton´s brother. For those of you these names don´t ring a bell, Jim has been Freddie´s lover and "husband" for past twelve years or so. They shared their lives together, and Jim has even written a book called "Me and Mercury", that became very popular due to its honest contents. This still wouldn´t be that surprising to many, but when my boyfriend told me that his friend´s girlfriend is going out with Jim´s niece, I couldn´t think this was just another coincidence. Out of all countries in the world, out of all cities in the whole Ireland, out of all towns that Ireland has, I was to be in the same place as Jim Hutton. That couldn´t be called pure chance. Or was it? 

And then I was to meet Jim in person. My boyfriend and his friend agreed to take him out on a Queen tribute night and I was to come along. What an exciting night! I sat right next to him and chatted with him all evening. At one stage, when we were involved in conversation and I sort of run out of questions, I asked him how is Phoebe (another close friend of Freddie´s). Jim told me that Phoebe just moved to Prague where he opened his new store. What a surprise to hear that Phoebe lives in the city from which I come from. Anyway, that night me and Jim had the greatest time ever.

And so, another year went by. I came back to Prague and sort of fell into the old routine. I still remembered what Jim has told me about Phoebe, but there was no way I could ever figure out where he could be, because Prague is one huge city. However... my Mother came home one day, holding this magazine I´ve never seen before and said that there is this article about Phoebe. She bought it just "by accident". It wasn´t an ordinary article. This one contained the exact address of Phoebe´s shop. No way would I let this chance slip away. 

It was January 2002 when I decided to visit Phoebe in his store. I did find him indeed, and I also had a chance to tell him all what has happened, how did I see Barbara and met Jim, and it all seemed so surreal. I can´t say why, but it almost felt as if someone up there was planning it all along. I remember Phoebe smiling at me, when he was signing up a dedication into his autobiography "An intimate memoir by the man who knew him best". When I was leaving the shop, his dedication read like this:

You found me!! 

So there was the end to meeting all of Freddie´s past lovers and friends, I thought. The journey finished, there was nowehere else to go.

I was happy, content and pleased with myself. I felt as if close to heaven, it couldn´t get any better. But then, in 2004, I decided for my fate to take a different turn. 

I went back to Ireland, this time for much longer. Another 6 long years. And within those years, many things happened. I didn´t go back because of Jim, don´t take me wrong. I went back because of my then boyfriend, but it happened that me and Jim still kept seeing each other and meeting at different ocassions from time to time. For example, he was once in my house, where we watched all Freddie´s videos and discussed them, or talked about his disease. We also went dancing one night in a dance club. We talked. We laughed. We exchanged text messages several times, when I needed some advice on how to grow plants. He was happy go lucky sort of guy who liked to keep circle of his closest friends and it was very difficult to reach him otherwise, but I was happy he accepted me as one of them. 6 years have passed when I got bad news from my boyfriend. He said he talked to Jim, who was diagnosed with cancer. To cut it short, I´ve seen him only once after this ordeal. 

He was connected to oxygen tubes and looked pretty ill. I knew then - that this is the last time I see him, but didn´t  dare to come close and say goodbye. I didn´t dare to speak. So, just shortly before Christmas, Jim has died. I went to his month´s mass in Church, to give him my goodbye, and went to his grave to leave some flowers. It was incredibly sad time. That´s when I believed the circle closed completely. With Barbara and Jim gone, there wasn´t much left, only memories. I went back home to Prague, accepting the life as it went along, knowing, that I´ll never see my dear friends again...

 The Carlow newspaper had it all over the front page.

Jim Hutton was gone for good.

I´m here in Prague for last year and half, sorting through memories and past events. I thought this chapter that had Freddie written all over it has finished. Two people gone, excluding Freddie himself. I thought there could be no more of such wonderful chances. No more surprises from above. No more shocking news and tilting events. Not ever again. I even missed Freddie´s anniversary gathering in Montreux, because of my work. I felt rather sad, but I kept thinking that without Jim and Barbara it wouldn´t be such a good event anyway. And then, out of a sudden,there is this invitation on our Queen FC page. Not only I´m still in the course for being present at Freddie´s anniversary right here in Prague. There will be Phoebe, who helps to organize the whole event, and also - there will be Kashmira Cooke, Freddie´s own sister! Again, I have to ask myself the same question - out of all places in the world, out of all corners of the earth, out of all cities....why did she choose Prague?! Can anyone explain me why? But maybe I´ll leave this controversial question to someone who understands the laws of the Universe or has some other crazy theory. I just stick to my own belief that Freddie has been somewhere up there, making all my wishes come true....

Kashmira, Freddie´s sister, who´s gonna be present in Prague on the 20th anniversary of her brother's death. 

I hope I will be able to talk to her eye to eye and give her a little present...

Tonight, the 19^th November 2011 was the most marked event I have been waiting for impatiently for several months. Freddie Mercury´s  sister Kashmira accepted the invitation by our Queen Fan Club through a meditated help of Freddie´s personal assistant Peter Freestone, who actually has been residing in Czech Republic for last 10 years.

The event took place in Mlejn Club, quite common ground to all smaller bands from Prague. Karel Lehner, my long time friend, and a chairman of Prague Tornado Queen FC, has set his mind on bringing forth the best show ever. I met him shortly before the whole evening. There were tenths of people waiting outside the club, queuing up and most of them were trying to get tickets as the show was utterly sold out. As one entered, there was a half naked hostess with plastic cup of champagne, there was also Queen shop where you could buy loads of different gifts, the AIDS charity collection and also a little bistro where you could quench your thirst. That all, followed by merry buzz and chit chat of all happily tuned people. At the back was the entrance into the concert hall, where many folks have gathered to watch the several documentaries dedicated to Queen and Freddie.

After 7 pm the event commenced by Karel coming on stage, moderating the whole show as it slowly unfolded. He informed us that due to the security measures, Kashmira didn´t wish to give any public signing or photographing. She is said to go to such events very seldom, this was to be her third public appearance. The first one was in London on Queen official gathering (where fans threw themselves at her), Montreux was the second. What a wonderful thing to know that she chose to go to Prague, out of all other cities in the world, where are undoutedly millions of fans who would do anything to see her. All this was due to the unmistakable presence of Peter Freestone, Phoebe – as I like to call him – without whom there would be no Kashmira. I also have to mention that it wasn´t only 20 years since Freddie left us, but it was almost exactly that lenght of time since I´ve known him. I was only 12 years when I discovered him. It was also 15 years of FC Queen Tornado existence. So many anniversaries around that it seemed like a very crucial day in many of its aspects.

There was the short introduction of the facts and then we only gave a huge applaus when Phoebe entered the stage, taking a seat and mike in order to pass the test of „questions“, which he passed pretty well. He talked most of the time in Czech, which was rather funny because his pronounciation and several grammar mistakes made it sound lot more real and honest. He talked about being nearly half Czech, the proud citizen of our country, talking of how people are nice to him in place where he lives, that his neighbours bring him eggs and stuff, always being polite and friendly. He said he´s never had so many good friends, not even when living in England. He talked about Czech food, his favourite one being duck with dumplings and red cabbage. He talked of the beautiful Prague´s architecture and said, that Freddie would have definitely loved it here. He mentioned that one of his most favourite movies is Slunce seno jahody (Sun hay and strawberries) by Zdeněk Troška, and admitted to contemplating to translate it for wider British audience. Among his favourite Czech musicians were Lucie Bílá, Karel Gott, Petr Kotvald and Kamil Střihavka. He smiled all the time, dimples in his cheeks, his big brown eyes warmly shining at each glance, porched on the chair, as if there was no other place he´d rather be at. Karel also suggested he could be candidating for a post of Czech Prime Minister of Culture, that he´d be good at it, which made Phoebe laugh. 

And there came Kashmira. She walked out of the dark backstage only to re-appear into the light like an angel. Small, tender and visibly petite lady in her fourties (although she is 60), wearing tight trousers, high boots and leather jacket – she looked astonishingly beautiful. Her dark hair fell to her shoulders, and she kept smiling so tenderly one would melt. There was definitely something that slightly resembled the essence of her brother – be it in her smile, underneath the shine of her eyes or simple movements. They were siblings bound by blood, that´s for certain. I could feel she was little bit nervous and tried to fight off her shyness, which she also admitted to. But other than that she put on an impression of genuine, loving and intelligent woman, that she was. Karel was giving her various questions with help of the translator, which could get bit rough at times (due to slower communication on the part of translator), however, Kashmira answered as best as she could. Most of us knew by now, that herself and Freddie haven´t been seeing much of each other when they were growing up, him living in boarding house in Panchgani for seven years. Therefore there was way too little to talk about. She only admitted to remember that at the later stage in life, Freddie would often try to surprise her by calling her or coming down to see her and flooding her with beautiful presents of all sorts. That´s what she liked to remember, as that´s what she loved. She also said that she went to most of his concerts („for free of course!“, she said laughing), and she followed Queen´s music. When being asked how would she use the opportunity should Freddie come back for one day, she said that one thing she regrets is the fact that Freddie never saw her kids growing up. She said she´d wish to bring Freddie back at least for one day for him to be able to spend some time with them. When asked if her children would listen to their Uncle´s music, she said that her son would, but her daughter has rather weird taste in music, which was followed by a mighty laughter from us fans. When being asked what she liked and disliked about Freddie, she said what she disliked about him was his bad habit of jumping into other people´s conversation. Phoebe intervened at that point to add, that Freddie always believed that whatever others had to say was less important than what „he“ was thinking. Again, this was met with uproar and laughter, as we all could imagine what Freddie was like. Kash then said, that what she liked about her brother most, was his ability to make her laugh, and crack jokes. Being asked if she liked Prague, she said she loved it and that the first thing she´d done was bit of shopping. She said that next time she comes she´ll have to buy better shoes for our cobbled streets, so Phoebe jumped in by saying that once he´s the Czech Prime Minister, he will make sure the streets have better pavements :) 

When being asked if Freddie would love Prague, she said that by knowing him, he would definitely love the architecture as he was very much artistic person. Karel then asked her what does she think herself and Freddie had most in common, she answered that it would probably have to be "perfection. We both were perfectionists", to which answer Phoebe only nodded as in agreement. Karel then gave Phoebe a framed official Membership of FC Tornado Queen, and to Kashmira he gave a Czech Crystal. One of the more funny moments were the questions laid by the audience itself. One man wanted to direct his question on Kashmira calling her "Shakira", and another one asked Phoebe if he plans on being burried in Prague!!!! I wanted to die instead of Phoebe, to be honest - as I didn´t know how will he take such a morbid question, but to my surprise, Phoebe didn´t even wink :) He said he will be burried here! We all gave a thundering apllause when they were leaving. After they departed, I was looking for a way to get to see her, as I had been promised by Karel that I will be able to meet her eye to eye. Karel disappeared and there was no way I could talk to him. That´s why I decided to take an action and looked for the side entrance meant only for staff. The doors was opened, so I entered and quietly sneaked into the backstage area where were organisers and other people. (sorry folks, I just had to) Nobody questioned me what am I doing there, so I dared even further. One girl was there too, wanting to give her a present (she probably got the same idea), so we both waited for Karel, who was running around. One of the bodyguards didn´t let us in any closer, so it was just about waiting. Kashmira and her husband, together with Phoebe came out after a while, to be photographed by an official photographer, their picture to be taken with the band Queenie who were to play afterwards. And then my moment came. Of course I asked Phoebe to be photographed with him, it´s been 10 years since meeting him in his store where he´d sign me his book with dedication. I regretted ever since that I never thought of a picture, so now I could re-do my mistake from the past. He was very willing and nice, being used to have his photographs taken 24 hours a day with fans from all over the world. And then I went over to Kashmira. I have to admit that I was quite nervous (same as I was nervous when meeting Barbara Valentin, Jim Hutton, Brian May, Roger Taylor, Peter Freestone...well...pretty much everyone!!!!). I came forward and I THINK I shook her hand and told her how much I´m happy to finally see her and I gave her my present (the golden box with angel bell and poem by Ch.H. Andersen). She smiled at me broadly, her dark eyes flickering in the bright light. I tried to keep the image of her face in my mind, even for a short moment. After all that I kept thinking to myself, this is the only chance you´ve got to see her and once this moment is gone you´ll regret you never asked her for a photo, same as you had with Phoebe. So when it almost seemed as if she was about to leave, I asked her with pleading eyes to have photo with her, and she agreed!!! I told her that it´s my dream come true, and she smiled. So there was I standing next to Kashmira, nervous as hell, my left arm putting over her back (she seemed like a little child, so vulnerable and tiny comparing to me), but then of course I realized I shouldn´t be putting my arms around her as if she was my little sister, so I took it off immediately. Me, herself and her husband posed for the photo, taken by one of the FC guards. The first photo of me and her alone didn´t come out well, Mr Photographer didn´t check that it´s blurred, so the only one I´ve got left is the one of three of us. Anyway, it doesn´t really matter, I achieved what I came for. The night was amazing. I walked off to the front where the concert was slowly commencing, to join the crowds and sing along the songs that united us all, and have been uniting us for last 20 years and more. It seemed as if Freddie hasn´t been gone at all, it seemed as if he was still present with us, all around us, in all of us, and through each of his songs. Even Kashmira said something about feeling as if he was still around. And as I later on looked on the photos I´ve taken, there were big orbits floating around her – that made me believe Freddie is indeed among us.  

Phoebe and I after 10 years....

Kasmira and her husband Roger Cooke, and me........

Phoebe being interviewed on stage...

Kash looking amazing

the orbs above her head were telling me something...

Kash with the band

Kash holding my present (golden box)

and the final saying goodbye to our guests....

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